Best Behavior: Say It to Them Now

Available for Work

My husband left his job this past fall, and I supported him for doing it. He’d been there for a couple of years, but he’d never been happy. Through the coronavirus isolation, having him around the house has been good, since neither of us likes to be alone. It’s been good to have him handy, especially during the holidays. But now, it’s time for him to get a job. The truth is, we’ve got a little money, so it’s not just a cash flow thing. Frankly, he’s getting on my nerves. I just need a little space, and I think both of us do. But I don’t know how to tell him. What can I say? — Anonymous, Hillwood

You and your husband are married. Let’s hope you plan to stay that way after you’ve had all your shots. But tempers, if not temperatures, seem to be rising. For good or ill, money is not a problem for the two of you, so you can’t use your checking account balance as a reason to send him to work. If he’s getting on your nerves, you may be making him a little frazzled too. He chose to quit his unhappy job, but he may be frozen in the job search process, as it looks just now. Be direct, and clear the air. You might even ask him to do you a favor and find a job. And don’t laugh when you say it. However, that may not solve your problem. He may be working from home once he goes back to work. If he’s handy, he can start building an office in the back yard. That should keep him busy, out from under your feet and out of your hair.

Enforced Attendance

My girlfriend’s parents are evangelical Christians. When it comes to religion, I don’t really care what anybody believes, so it’s never made any real difference to me. Over the course of the pandemic, we’ve gone to their place every Sunday. Her parents want us to pray with them, and I’m not just talking about at dinnertime. It makes me really uncomfortable, and I’ve told my girlfriend. She says there’s nothing she can do, so she joins in. This wasn’t in the agreement when she and I got together. I love her, and she loves her parents. Help me get through this. — Anonymous, Brentwood

You can bow your head and fold your hands. If you’re forming them into fists, and everybody’s eyes are closed, nobody will notice. They’re her parents, not yours. You owe them respect for their beliefs, but they need to understand yours too. Start by having a conversation with your girlfriend. Then sit down with the three of them, and explain that you’re not a praying person and that you’d like to spend prayer-free time with them. If there’s going to be a devotional, let her visit them on her own. If you’re clear, calm and kind, there should be no reason for any confusion. If they’re your in-laws-to-be, it will be wise to address this matter for everybody’s good long before the final amen.