Unlisted

I’ve been invited to a good friend’s wedding next month, but another friend didn’t make the list. She says, however, that she’s planning to show up anyhow, because she figures the bride simply overlooked her. I’ve told her that I think she’s making a really bad decision. In fact, I think she’s doing a crazy thing. Should I tell the bride? What would she do? Should I even get involved? — Anonymous, Sylvan Park

It sounds as if you’re already involved, but now’s the time to avoid getting any deeper into this nuptial nastiness. Who knows what the bride and groom or their parents were thinking when they pulled together the guest list? It’s unlikely that the left-out woman was overlooked. She’s not excluded; she’s simply not included. There’s nothing you can do to stop her from showing up at the church, the synagogue or the hotel ballroom. Weddings at churches and synagogues are technically public ceremonies, so she can make an appearance there. But that’s as far as she can go. Once you’ve been as frank as possible to the neglected guest, if she’s still intent on making an appearance at the reception, go ahead and tell the bride. It may not be a big deal to her; she’ll have a lot on her mind throughout the day. But should you see the interloper at the party, keep your distance. It won’t be your fault that she’s there. And it won’t be your problem, if it ever was. 

Talk of the Town

A college friend of mine in Chicago recently gave my contact info to a woman who’s just moved to town for a new job. The woman called me right away and invited me out to dinner. It was a dreadful experience. The woman is a chatterbox. She talked about herself the whole time. When she called again, I thought I’d give it another try. Another disaster. Now, she’s called again and wants to go to the symphony. What can I do? I guess I could start telling her that my schedule’s full, but I bet she’ll just call again. I got into this mess by trying to be nice. Please tell me how to get out of it. — Anonymous, Hillwood

There’s a time when niceness comes to an end. The clock’s been ticking since the end of that first dinner. It may be time for a little rudeness, provided you keep it to yourself. The woman may be chattering on and on in an attempt to quiet her own nerves, but her nonstop talking will get on yours. It would get on anybody’s. Your Chicago friend might have given you a heads-up about the newcomer. I bet her behavior was just as annoying before she moved to Nashville; the Great Midwest is probably more than glad to have her gone. If she keeps muttering throughout the evening, the symphony concert will turn out to be another horror. Ushers may be required. You have my permission to tell all white lies necessary to avoid any more stomach-churning nights on the town. You’ve done your best. In this case, enough is more than enough.