Best Behavior: Pandemic Politeness

At a Glance

A few weeks back, an interesting etiquette question was posed by Frank Bruni in the New York Times: When “faced” in a public social setting (or a business one) with people who are not wearing masks or observing social distancing, what do you do? As Frank posed it, “Around people behaving irresponsibly, when do you speak up? How do you speak up? If it’s unlikely to have any immediate or eventual effect, what have you accomplished by speaking up? If the answer is merely personal catharsis, is that enough?” What is your advice to Nashvillians? — Chris, West End Avenue

Mr. Bruni clearly wants to get the mask-free masses out of his life and to make sure he’s at least got a little more life left. But letting loose on the malingerers is likely to accomplish nothing, anywhere. In fact, they'll probably be getting what they're looking for: a confrontation. People don't go out unmasked without forethought. They know what they're doing. They don't just forget and leave their masks at home. Take the scofflaws on Lower Broad: They’re either making a statement or not caring.

All the time in the grocery store, I see mothers with small children pushing their buggies happily along with no protection of any sort. They’re teaching their children a lesson they may come to regret. I just keep my distance and stare them down if I can catch their eye over my mask. A little disdain can go a long way. It’s the safest thing to do.

Then I go home, get on the phone or the Internet and vent. That’s the time to let go; you don’t even have to send the message. The steam, I think, is good for my skin.

Making an Entrance

I’m old-fashioned, even in the midst of a pandemic. When I come to a door, I open it for whomever’s in front of me or behind, man or woman, older than I am or even if they’re not. It doesn’t make any difference to me. But apparently, it makes a difference to women whom I’m trying to treat in the way a gentleman does. Sometimes, they just stand there and won’t go through the door. However, this past weekend, a woman actually took me down and told me that I was totally out of line. I don’t think I was. Her arms were full of grocery bags, so I was just trying to be helpful or nice. Have things changed that much? — Tom, Harding Pike

You know how to behave yourself, but just now, behaving yourself may mean behaving in a different way. There’s nothing wrong with opening a door if you just give it a push with your elbow. You can carry sanitizing wipes if you’re determined to do the right thing. You can whip them out so everybody sees that you mean well.

You can explain what you’re doing, but there’s probably no reason for a conversation here. You can’t open a door from six feet away. Keep your distance, and wash your hands when you get into the store and when you get home. That’s as nice as you need be.