Best Behavior: Let Them Do Their Own Thing

A Capitol Trip

Our son and his husband are determined to head to Washington, D.C., for the presidential inauguration. Both of them are well aware that his father and I did not vote for either candidate for president, and I think we did a good job of keeping our opinions to ourselves. We obviously know how both of them voted. Over the holidays, our son brought up the election, rejoicing every time we were together. I have no idea what the inauguration is going to look like, but I don’t want to hear about it from the two of them anymore, now or after they get home. When do I lay down the law? — Anonymous, Forest Hills

The holidays around your house sound hellish, even via Zoom. You chose not to take a stance, but your son and your son-in-law probably think you did by not voting. Apparently, you avoided getting into arguments over your lack of an opinion. Now is no time to let them pick a fight. Should the subject come up, simply say, “Let’s just change the subject.” They’re grown-ups, so they ought to know how to respond: in silence. This is no time to let politics rip your relationship apart. When they head out, just say, “Be careful.” (That’s what caring parents say.) After they get back from Washington, just ask about the weather.

Mother Knows Best, Maybe

My fiancé and I were planning our wedding this past spring — the full church ceremony, with bridesmaids and me wearing the white dress. That’s what my mother wanted, so we said yes. We have been living together for a couple of years, so we thought it was a waste — at least of money. My mother demands that, now that the vaccine seems to be getting ready for distribution, we reschedule for this coming summer with the full production. She’s trying to be nice, I guess, but who’s crazy here? — Anonymous, East Nashville

Forestall the church ceremony; head to the county clerk’s office. Leave the reception to your mother, whenever and wherever she wants to play the hostess. As is often the case with a mother of the bride, she may be planning the wedding of her dreams, especially if her own was a nightmare. (What, by the way, does your father have to say?) Your mother may be doing the party planning just to fill her time. It’s her party; she can pay if she wants to. She’s hopeful. Let’s hope that when she puts down her deposits, they’re refundable.

Postage Required

I gave graduation gifts to a girl and boy in May. Both of their mothers told me that they loved them and that they’d be sitting down to write me thank-you notes right away. I have yet to hear anything. They ought to know better. Should I tell their mothers? — Anonymous, West Meade

If you haven’t heard anything by now, you’ll probably never hear anything. The boy and girl may be away at college, or maybe they’re taking online classes. Either way, they’ve still got time to write a note. But don’t fret. The kids aren’t going to graduate again. You won’t have to send any more presents.