Best Behavior: Asking Too Much

Muscled Out

I’m a personal trainer, and for the past six months, I’ve been dating another personal trainer. I guess I should say we were dating. I thought the relationship was good, but I guess I was wrong. We’d been seeing each other face-to-face, and I spent a lot of time at her place. She texted me about two weeks back saying she wanted to cut out any intimacy because of COVID-19. I texted her back, saying that maybe we could work this out. Her response was that I’m trying to manipulate her, but it turns out that she’s seeing another guy now. She and I work at the same gym, so I’m likely to run into her. I’ve arranged my clients so I can avoid seeing her, but that’s likely to stop. I’m thinking that maybe I can talk to her in the parking lot, but I don’t want to ambush her. I just want a real explanation. Is that too much to ask? — Anonymous, The Nations

She's using coronavirus as a cover; now, that’s a novel idea. Who’s manipulating whom? It sounds as if you’ve rearranged your schedule and your life, either to make her happy or to avoid her. (Either reason sounds sensible.) It sounds as if this relationship was headed out the door before it began. What sort of explanation do you want? Any questions may be too many. Now that your gym has opened up a little, if she’s truly annoyed by the sight of you, she can rearrange her schedule. That’s the problem with having a relationship in close company; it’s probably time for you to spend a little time with your clients. Life goes on, you know, even during a pandemic. Keep your distance, social or unsocial. There’s probably lots of space between the treadmills these days. 

Unscheduled Audition

We live in a great neighborhood with lots of musicians living close by. Every Friday evening around 6 o'clock, they put together a band and play on one of their porches. These shows aren’t just impromptu; they do a lot rehearsing, and it seems like they’re trying out new songs. It’s a lot of fun, something that can only happen in Music City. But now, a woman who lives down the street told me that she wants to sing with the group. She knows I’m friends with all the guys, so she’s asked me to make an introduction. I’ve heard her singing, and I’m ashamed that she’s asked me to help. What can I do? — Anonymous, East Nashville

Stars are seldom born on the front steps. You can tell her the truth without getting into her singing. Just explain that you have no idea what goes on beyond the front porch. The musicians rehearse behind closed doors; there’s no reason you should know anything more. And those are the facts. Great musicians get approached by not-so-great musicians all the time. They’ll know how to handle this situation. She’s lucky to live in a neat neighborhood, but some wishful opportunities are better left ungrabbed. Just let her sit back and hum along — from her own stoop.