Best Behavior Hero 4

Caught in the Act

Over the past couple of years, I’ve seen people posting pictures of the food they’re eating and pictures of themselves cooking on Facebook. Since everybody’s been quarantined, I can understand it, but now that we’re back in restaurants and out of the house, people, even my friends, seem to forget that I don’t like people taking pictures of anything at the table, even at a restaurant, much less the food. At a dinner party I threw the other night, a woman was taking shots of the plates. I asked her why. It wasn’t a particularly pretty plate, but she said she wanted to share the pictures with her Facebook friends. I almost threw her out. What should I have done?Anonymous, Green Hills

You pulled together the guest list, and you cooked up the dinner. You had the right to make the rules and decree that all iPhones go into purses or pants pockets before anybody hit the table. But apparently, you didn’t. So, the paparazza decided to share her shots with the wide world. In a restaurant, unless there’s a clearly stated policy of no food shots, there’s nothing you can do. If you’re not paying for dinner, your cause is lost. But now you know what to do on your own turf: Hang a bag on a convenient doorknob, where people can stash their phones. If they won’t, you don’t have to invite them back. You didn’t send the woman with the flashing phone out to the sidewalk. That was the right thing (not) to do. Just saying no is the best thing a hostess can do, now and then — but only in the kitchen, before the entrée’s on the plates. It’s time for her to learn how to go to a dinner party again and sit down, chew and chit-chat again — not at the same time, of course.

Playing the Game

I’m dating a man who’s into hiking and biking. He has tickets for the Titans too. I know that, as a man, even a gay man, I’m supposed to like these things, but quite honestly, I don’t. I’m more into movies, music, books and cooking — the stuff gay guys are supposed to do. I like the man, so I’ve been going along with whatever he wants to do. I guess it’s time for me to tell him the truth. Help me figure out what to do.Anonymous, 12South

If you found your boyfriend on a dating app, you might have asked for references ahead of time. He assumes that you like the “nongay” things he likes to do. That’s why he invites you along. He’s been doing them alone — or with somebody else — since long before he met you. You’ve invented a picture of what you’re supposed to do and what he’s obligated to do. Give his world a try or two. But don’t let it go on for too long. Tell the guy that what he wants to do doesn’t work for you. You lived separate lives before; you can live the same way now, should you choose to do so. No marriage vows have been exchanged. Have they?